We’ve all heard the story (neuroscience!) that says that somehow our brain is made to always see the negative more impactful than the positive things of our days, and in fact that’s how we end up seeing our life. But it never ceases to surprise me how deeply and unnoticed it settles in our lives.
Three clients, three different life stories, three different countries, cultures and backgrounds in the last few days and starting from different work topics in our coaching process we somehow ended up in the same place. We wake up discouraged, confused and sometimes very tired. These experiences are absolutely normal when most days end with a long and noisy list in our head about everything we didn’t succeed to do, what we did wrong, what was left undone, what could be better or even what we did wrong, obviously! We end the day carrying “a sack of potatoes on our back” and we don’t understand why we don’t have enough energy and vitality to be as we would like with those around us, while the radio of “what NOT” just doesn’t stop – I’m not doing enough, I’m not enough, I don’t know enough… What is your radio saying on repeat?
If it sounds even a little familiar to you, the question comes- what do we do to change this?
First of all, the emphasis is on DOING, I’m sorry to disappoint you but it won’t change by itself, doesn’t matter how many positive things will happen around you until you create a habit, you don’t teach your mind to shift the focus AND on what it is positive and what you achieved, what you did, what made you happy, what you know and can do today.
How do we do this? Here are two simple steps that won’t take you more than 5 minutes daily
– Set aside 3-5 minutes every day to find 2 good things, small successes, what YOU did, what YOU succeeded in, what made you happy – in all areas of life (it would be very nice to have daily both from your professional area and personal one!)
– Observe, observe, observe – learn to notice when your radio « what NOT » starts going on repeat, see what he says and ask him – REALLY? Why do you think that? Do you know or assume?
Repeat these two steps daily for about two weeks and tell me what you notice.
PS: you can find the definition below
Negativity bias = Negativity bias, also known as the negativity effect, is a cognitive bias that, even when positive or neutral things of equal intensity appear, things of a more negative nature have a greater effect on the state and psychological processes than neutral or positive things.
A lot has been studied and written about this and if you want to know more you will find both books and very valuable podcasts that address this effect.